I reached out to readers on Facebook and asked what things scared them the most. I’ll confess: I didn’t anticipate the answers that soon filled up the reply section. Of course there was the typical and yet, still scary spiders, snakes, heights, clowns, mice etc. But some of my readers allowed themselves to be a bit more vulnerable. They included the following:
1. Being diagnosed with cancer.
2. Losing a loved one.
3. Growing old without leaving a legacy for their kids and future family.
4. Fear of our country losing the values it was founded upon.
5. Not feeling as if they have a purpose.
6. Worries about their children’s well-being after they’re gone.
By just reading the answers, I felt a knot form in the pit of my stomach. I not only prayed for all your fears, but asked myself the same question. What scares me the most? The safety and health of my family is always at the top. Being a former pharma rep and in a family with lots of health care providers, perhaps I dwell on it a bit too much. However, in the midst of so much anger and judging in this country, I have a new answer: one of my greatest fears is a woman in costume...Read on, you'll see why.
The news channels are constantly spewing reports of sexual misconduct by news anchors, actors, politicians, etc. What has been going on for years has finally been brought into the light. HOWEVER, (and please hold your anger until I finish my thoughts) there has to be both accountability and rational thinking when it comes to such accusations. This country has become overly sensitive to a fault. It now seems that anytime an adult woman chooses to dress or act sexual, there must be something wrong with her thinking, that she will be victimized and exploited by the masses. Not so and we can't gloss over that fact.
On the one hand, any woman should know if she's scantily dressed and goes alone to a man’s hotel room, she could be placing herself in a compromising situation. THINK. On the other hand, if a female chooses to dress in a manner in which some might label provocative or sexy, she is justified in her right to ignore the crowd and embrace her own form of womanhood. It's her body, her choice. No, we are not always the victim.
Even the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have fallen under the radar with a documentary claiming many were abused and forced to dress in those scantily clad costumes. However, it was interesting to watch one of the now 40-something year old women being interviewed. When the news anchor asked if she now felt horrible over the way she was instructed to look and dress, the former cheerleader shut her down quickly, “We knew exactly what we were doing and I’m still proud of what I did-- then and now. I chose to do that.” Needless to say, the news anchor was not expecting such a reply.
If women choose to embrace their femininity in whatever means they see fit, then what's wrong with that?! The same goes to empowered women who choose to protest against our government and wear whatever they like that garners attention. It’s ALL a matter of perspective and freedom of choice.
We have no right to judge other women for the decisions they make. I’d hate to know people’s thoughts about me if I were judged by every action of my past. For sure, some of them I very much regret and yet many I’d do over again in a New York minute. Others would be aghast if they knew the ones in which I had zero remorse and those in which I seriously lamented. But I’m finally learning to be real and honest with who I am and who I’m not. It’s women that point fingers at others, not thoroughly seeing the big picture of those they accuse, that worry me the most.
Some believe if we allow a man to open the door for us, then we’re acting like helpless females. Good grief, nothing could be further from the truth. Personally, I’m from the South. I appreciate a man acting like a gentleman and performing such gestures. I’m secure enough in my womanhood that in no way do I feel helpless or weak, just because a man opens a door for me. To the chivalrous men out there, I’m sure you’re confused on what to do these days!
It’s also not fair for women to judge one another when standing up for a principal in which others may not agree. From sexual orientation to political policy, we have no right to judge another person. Sure, we can have an opinion, but always keep in mind one thing: you haven’t walked in their shoes, lived their childhood, or struggled with issues inside their hearts and minds. If we could come to this consensus, we’d feel greater peace from within and live in a society with more love and less violence.
Instead of judging everyone else, how about we take a closer look at ourselves? Take off the costume of who you WANT to be and accept who you REALLY ARE. Many of us strive so hard to be the tough, fearless and hear-me-roar woman that we don’t allow ourselves to love, cry and be vulnerable to other human beings. That, sweet friends, is heart-breaking. Some of us embrace our femininity to the extreme. We choose to channel Scarlett O’Hara, expecting men to cater to our every need, preferring to be “taken care of.” Help me Jesus. It’s 2019, ladies. But again, it’s a CHOICE. Regardless of which type you identify, be forewarned and ready to accept the consequences.
Yes, being a woman in the 21st century is filled with ironies, to be sure. Thank God for other female friends. Over the years, my tribe and I have endured struggles ranging from the disability of a child to divorce, debt, and depression. Empty-nests, empty promises, car accidents and cancer fears have added to the strife. The bottom line is this: we ALL have a mental list of things that scare us. All. Of. Us. Some suppress it to the point of numbness, some drown it in alcohol or medications, and some sink into a pit so deep that they dare not claw out. And yes, some of us wear our fears like an ugly tattoo, but work ourselves senseless to cover it up with a fuzzy pink sweater.
What do we do with that?
Quite simply, we own it. We pray. We take one step at a time. And as we grow older and more confident in ourselves, our fears will diminish and our mask will be thrown aside. We find God and we find friends that choose to nurture us. We find our “me- too’s,” those girlfriends that truly know us, warts and all, and still love us anyway.
I enjoy seeing pictures of girlfriends on Facebook: giggling at basketball games, wedding showers and vacations. The joy in faces that beam, “yeah, these women get me and have my back,” is such a blessing to my heart. I even enjoy the selfies. You read correctly. If a woman is pleased with how she looks, then more power to her! Sure, some can overdo it, but I love seeing awesome pics of my friends and I tell them so. We need to lift one another up, not tear each other down.
As I finish up this blog post, my Taos tribe is texting back and forth, planning our next girl's night. We make time to laugh out loud, help one another accept reality and encourage one another regarding their next personal adventure. We are learning to love, accept, and empower each other as women. We squeal, moan, scream, cry, and giggle.
But there’s one thing we won't do anymore: we won't wear another single costume. The masks are off and the capes are now allowed to blow in the wind. I hope you've thrown away yours as well. Hallelujah, that Super Woman costume has gotten way too tight.....
Lastly, please know how much I greatly appreciate you subscribing to my blog. My heart feels so much love with over 50,000 views of videos and blog reads. Most importantly, know I'm committed to writing a raw and real blog with which you can relate and find joy. Find it today and enjoy your womanhood, regardless of what that might look like!